that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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