My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize