dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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