my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
