so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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