can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
