matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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