She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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