Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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