i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
