Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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