Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize