so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
