I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
