I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
