Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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