no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
