3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
