1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
