I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
