So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
