she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
