i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
