tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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