Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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