Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize