Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh god the rape fog is back!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize