I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
