Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
