you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Blood and glitter go together right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
