im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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