I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
