you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is wine microwaveable?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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