If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
