What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize