Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
