She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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