dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
