how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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