happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it because I queefed?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
