I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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