I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
