so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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