After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
