i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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