sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
