Pants 0. Shit 1.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
