Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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