it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's always time for handjobs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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