There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
