My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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