the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
