sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
