Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
