I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
