But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize