I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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