Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
