Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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