YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
