And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
