My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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