i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just had sex on a roof
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize