im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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