So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
