I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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