I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
