NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He has the fingertips of a God
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
