yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
