so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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