you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
