Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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